The Global Leadership Summit 2015

Disclaimer: Being the person that I am, I failed miserably at taking any photographs for this blog post and after waiting a few weeks for Facebook tags I opted to go without those photographs.

As you will all remember, in 2012, I was fortunate enough to form part of the University of the Free State’s F1 Leadership for Change Programme. This allowed me and many other students to travel abroad to partnering universities all over the world for two weeks. Since then, I have filled my days with school work, heavy nights out and many other mediocre activities.

It is quite evident, that for the past few months, I have found myself unhappier than I have content. There has been a great desire for something more; something more satisfying than the reality of my 2015 year.

Now, fast forward to July, 05, 2015, I participated in the University of the Free State’s Global Leadership Summit (GLS). A programme focused on the glocal (local and global) perspective of leadership on issues such as complex societies, citizenship, social justice, reconciliation and sustainable development. This meant that all our partnering universities came to South Africa and were hosted by us, but most importantly, it also meant that I was going to have one of the greatest adventures of my year thus far.

Prior to the GLS, I expected to learn a bit about the world, to be slighlty challenged and pushed out of my comfort zone and to network with bright, young leaders but I did not expect to learn to learn so much about myself, my country and the world and make such life changing friendships.

I have learnt that I will never know everything and will constantly challenge my opinions and ideas about how I see myself, how others see me and how my perception of the world is only that…a perception- one that formed by conscious and subconscious messages from the media, my friends and family and societal ideas and values.

Additionally, I have learnt that my country, continent and the workings of the world are far more complex than I have ever been made to believe. I now realize that everything that I know is only a fraction of what is ‘true’ or rather deemed to be true.

Lastly, I have learnt that the easiest friends to make are one’s who see the potential that the universe places in their hands. Being around such a diverse group of liberal, accepting, opinionated leaders has inspired me to seek more- more from the relationships that I form, more from the people that I share my life with.

The above is only a small reflection of this wonderful programme and my experience. I have so much more to share (good and bad) but fear that if I give away every cherished moment of this GLS, I will be left with nothing.

It has been just less than a month since the programme has ended and my life seems rather mundane and incomplete. Every walk past the Conlaures’ Residence reminds me of late night/ early morning adventures and discussions.  Every bowl of soup reminds me of all those disappointed non-“special needs” faces at the opening ceremony. Every lecture at the EBW building reminds me of wonderful naps and great discussions that filled those rooms and every adventure to “Mystic” or “Die Stoep” is missing far too many faces.

Before taking part in the GLS, I knew that I desired something more; something more satisfying than the reality of my 2015 year. And now, post GLS, I realize that there is an even greater desire for something more.

I am thankful to the University of the Free State for this great opportunity and programme but, most of all, I am thankful to all the GLS delegates who shared a bit of themselves with me. I cherish each and every moment and memory shared with you. I hope that you all realize that you have took a bit of my heart with you as you have travelled back home and I have no choice but to come (in the near future) and get every single piece back, county by country.

Sadly, I am trying to return to my ‘ordinary life’ and forget you all for just a moment so that I am able to find just a little content in my unhappy and incomplete life.

Here, where I stand...

It feels as though it’s been forever since I have put words to paper. The past three months have been overwhelmingly busy and filled with so much emotion and self-discovery.

When I first came to university, I always expected to have every ounce of my being challenged in each and every way and boy, I could never have been more right.

In the last few months I have had to question my faith, morals, ambitions, decisions, actions and everything in between and this is where I stand:

I will not live up to any false ideas or expectations that you may have of me. I will change my mind often and without guilt. I will question everything I do not understand and even, sometimes, question the things I thought I did.

The presence of my sexual reproductive organs and their abilities will not be an indication that I should be a mother. The choice of motherhood is one that I will make consciously without societal pressures and judgement. I will constantly remind myself that choosing not to be a mother will not make me less of a woman.

Marriage might never be for me. It is an idea that seems (right now) better suited on paper than it is in reality. I will have to remind myself that I am not incomplete merely because I choose to love without trapping my partner in an unrealistic covenant that I not only make to and in front of God but to the state and all those that I love. I will love as long as the love will stay and thrive and not as long as I or my partner can sacrifice ourselves to make it work.

I will be honest with myself before I am honest with anyone else. I will not blame others for my failures, for my heartbreak and even for the decisions that I make based on their opinions. My life belongs only to me and I am responsible for every inch of its existence.

I might never be the apple of any man’s eyes and no man may ever fall in love with me but I will not allow their unrequited love to stop me from loving. I will love even when they least deserve it and until I have had enough. I will leave when my heart no longer serves a purpose and until I have felt everything as boldly as the heart can feel. I will refuse to miss out on feeling the awe that is love only because others declare that I do.

I will not apologise for rejecting blessings and opportunities that many are praying for when I know the blessings are not truly mine. I will shape my life in the direction best suited for me despite the directions that have been shoved down my throat.

My emotions and thoughts will drive me into episodes of despair and bliss and I will feel every emotion intensely. I will not try drowning the sadness with positivity or hapiness but I will rather let it cultivate me like no light ever could...but do not get me wrong, I will never deny happiness when it is staring right at me. I will not, for one second, reject any feeling that may lead to my growth.

Lastly, I will not be defined; not by my age, my level of education or occupation, not by my gender, the colour of my skin, the manner in which I speak , the people I choose to love or the being that I worship. I am more than an assortment of treasures and am more than just a multitude of characteristics, I am more than you can ever imagine.

Here is where I currently stand. I cannot not guarantee change or deny it but one thing that I can confirm is that I will always continue to be unhappily content. 

Better late than never: lesson's from 2014

So, I decided (awhile ago) that I would have to start 2015, a new year, with nothing less than a reflection of 2014.

 But, a month (almost 2) later, I found myself reflecting through a year that was filled with many wonderful memories and moments but a lot of sadness and disappointment!

Therefore I decided instead of sharing the good, the bad and the ugly of 2014 I would share my greatest lessons learnt in 2014.

Lesson 1: An Inevitable death is not just a loss of life but a loss of possibilities.

RIP Ntatemholo (Grandfather) I miss you and cherish your memory daily. I long for the possibility of sharing a moment and memory with you. I long for the possibility of sharing a final kiss and smile with you.  May your remarkable soul continue to rest in peace; my heart will forever grieve for your presence in my life.

Lesson 2: [sometimes] “second chances they don’t ever matter, people never change”- Paramore

People can only continue to disappoint you, if you allow them the time to do so. Therefore, remember that people are placed into your life for a certain reason, allow them to easily leave as soon as they have fulfilled it, and if that reason is nothing but a lesson, let it be a lesson learnt.

Lesson 3: The risk of opening your heart to new people is nothing but an opportunity to leave your heart smiling.

Indian Warfare:  I am fortunate to have met a bunch of beautiful souls that filled my year with laughter, wit, humour and Spur Breakfasts. I am lucky to have been welcomed with open arms (by most) and am lucky to have each and every one of them in my lives. May the words “you can’t sit with us” never leave our lips.

Imperium Members: From Gazellie Adventures to hitting the streets, you have taught me that being true to what I am, is the greatest gift that I can give to myself. May I continue to share the spirit and love of open-mindedness and acceptance that you shower yourselves in. May my blue heart never fail you!

Lesson 4: “It’s the friends that you call up at 4 am that really matter”

Friends from JHB: Although our time together is always limited, its value is limitless. I often take you all for granted because sub-consciously I know that you will always be there, just as I will for you. I hope that these few years apart are filled with nothing but love, adventure and self-discovery.

Friends from Bloemfontein:  It has been two years and the years keep coming! I'ts hard to imagine that I hated the thought of moving here...and possibly the thought of having to meet you. But I now sit here, completely overwhelmed by the love that you have showered my life with, you are my family away from home!

Lesson 5: Family is everything.

We cannot choose our families, but without a doubt, If I could:

Lesson 6: The beauty of life lies in its relativism.

In life, there is no absolute truth. Do not allow the religious beliefs, values and opinions of others to define your truth. Live the way that you choose!

Lesson 7: Live unhappily content

Do not allow the hatred and sadness that drowns this earth to drown your beautiful soul. Appreciate every moment of sadness while embracing each moment of happiness. A life fully lived is a life lived present in every emotion.

I declare it to the universe that 2015 is a year with even greater and positive lessons! May it be a year of growth, adventure and a greater sense of unhappily content.