Bike Discovery...

Believe it or not…but at this young age of 20…I have loved, fallen in and out of love and have had my heart broken…

Young love is a funny thing…it is like learning to ride a bicycle for the first time. At first you feel as though you cannot possible ride this “bike of love”…and as soon as you get up onto this bike and take your first few strides you think- “That’s it I’ve got the hang of this…this is not as difficult as people say it is”…

Then, BANG! You fall off the bike and are reminded that it will take a few or many more times to master the art of riding this bike or more simply the art of dating and loving.

It is often hard to learn something the first time and learning to ride this “bike of love” does not only  happen during your youth but goes beyond young love...it happens each and every time you start a new relationship: a new person equals a new bike, a different looking bike, a less/more challenging bike to ride.

There are many reasons why people fail in learning to ride the bike of love:

1. People do not know what kind of bike they, themselves, are:

They are unable to recognize which stage of their life that they are currently in. Before you can even glimpse at any other bike you need to know what you are offering, what kind of bike are you:  what do you morally stand for, your religious stance, what kind of person are you?

Are you the junior bike with the training wheels- still learning and growing as an individual…still unsure of where you stand in most aspects of your life...?

Or are you the adult bike:  the bike that goes for what it seeks, you know more or less what you can offer and what you are able to do- this bike hardly doubts what kind of bike it is, though, sometimes this bike needs a new chain and paint job…

Or lastly the motorbike:  are you the bike that never compromises who they are. The bike that believes that: what you see is exactly what you will get it, a bike that accepts that it sometimes leaks a bit of oil...and embraces it... The bulldozer of all bikes.

Please note: the type of bike has nothing to do with age. There are many junior bikes that are older than the most matured bottle of wine! …it is merely where you are in your life.

2. People fail to choose the right bike for themselves:

Sometimes people are not direct about what they want and expect from a bike. You need to be sure about what exactly it is that you seek…I usually refer to my “non-negotiables”- things that I require from my bike…no exceptions, no re-considerations.

People might never change. Don’t hold onto the idea that, with time or age, your bike will change his/her perspective on certain decisions such as the decision on having children,where to work, and the kind of life that they seek… or even the smallest of decisions such as having a dog!

So, if there is an issue-big/small- that you and your bike disagree on and falls within your “non-negotiables”…drop that bike, fast. Stop wasting each other’s time!

3. People do not accept that things just change with time:

Sometimes the bike deemed the most perfect  bike in the past  can become the bike that is no longer suited for your life right now….people change and grow- not necessarily in a negative way. You might find that sometimes you and this bike no longer suite each other…no hard feelings. This bike can still remain a perfect bike… just not the perfect bike for you.

4. People cannot accept that humanity is sustained by selfishness:

People will always act in the benefit of themselves. They will always be their own greatest fans. People will keep a wonderful bike that they have no intention of riding or have five hundred bikes that they don’t want …well…merely because they can and want to.  If something works in ones benefit, they will never reject or say no to it.

5. People cannot see a bike for what it is:

People are not honest with themselves; they choose to look past the faults of the bike. If a bike does not want to work in your favour it won’t. Stop making excuses for a bike that won’t make excuses for you…you deserve the kind of bike that you seek. Do not compromise and place all your hope on a bike that places little to no hope or love on you.  Sometimes we fail to recognize when a bike no longer serves us good. There is a way to know if it is time to let go of a bike- make a list of all the positive or negative things that are offered by the bike. Secondly, take note of how do you feel when you think of this bike, majority of the time, and if the negatives out way the positive and you feel -let down, disappointed and sad about this bike most of the time...drop it- no matter how hard it will be. You need to decide whether the few great moments with that bike, are worth all the many bad moments that it offers.

In life we will never stop learning to ride this “bike of love” and you will constantly be challenged throughout this journey.

So be honest about who you are, what you seek. Do not fear to be honest with your heart because nobody can be mad at honesty. As much as I would hate to hear that your heart is not in- I would appreciate it in the long run even though it will bring heartbreak and disappointment. Love your bike enough to be honest and let it go when you just don’t want it anymore.

Love realistically and not hopefully- as hopeless love is heartbreak waiting to happen. Love is too real of an emotion for it to be perfect so compromise without giving too much of yourself…give as much as you receive.

Love is easy-you do not have to constantly work for/at it. It is simple love…a bike either works in your life or has no place.

Use your brain as much as you use your heart…human emotion can be the destruction of all great things. Think before you speak or act as you could possibly be pushing something so great out of your life for a stupid emotion such as jealousy or anger.

Have fun!! Love does not have to be this philosophical emotion that is drowned with expectations and pressure. Take each day as it comes-love, laugh and live with your bike. Enjoy every moment life has to offer.

Be patient. I believe that God places the right person in your life, not exactly when you want but, when you are ready for it. Trust in the power of God…he blesses you with so many beautiful things…he will not lead you astray now. 

Learn from love. Learn from your experiences and those of others- I have been in thousands of relationships! I have been married, divorced, happily married till death…all through the experiences of others.

Do not settle to be unhappily content with the love that you have in your life. Learn to love what is good for you. Something cannot be love if it makes you feel dirty, sad, and angry or any emotion that negatively serves you.  Find love that grows you, encourages and evolves you .

Do not seek to merely fall in love…because the problem with falling in love is that you can easily fall out of love.

Seek to love and be loved-

a love driven by choice, an easy love, a fun-filled love…an unconditional love…. 

A love that is well suited for the bike that you are! and the bike that you seek …

Ride along now and discover that perfect bike for you!...and then just LOVE IT!